Confessions of a Superhero

As a boy, I wished that I could fly.
To see the world from way up high
With the wind rushing through my hair
I’ve always wanted to be something more
Something other than what I was:
Weak and fearful.
Haunted by the nightmares and
The monsters and ghosts that slither in the night.
It was always that way for me
Forced to carry around horrific memories;
Memories that I had inherited as a child,
The death of my parents, etched into my brain,
Burning as bright as a
Lantern
In the darkest night.
A bloody reality no child should have to witness.
Yet I did witness it.
Right before my eyes,
The gunshots were steady and slow
Like the pounding of the judge’s gavel
Passing judgment on me,
Ordering me to an eternity of pain and suffering
A sentence I would have to serve
Every time I close my eyes
An indefinite sentence with no end.
I watched them lie on the pavement like lifeless dolls
A crimson stream flowing down like a river, tainting the
Fresh snow that fell on that cold winter’s night,
Staining it forever red.
They were gone as if they never were
Faces on pictures,
Wrinkled from a careless school boy’s loving touch
Yearning to dive in,
To feel their warm embrace once again.
Pictures now as precious as pure
Gold.
While I would overcome the odds,
I stand as of today,
A member of an elite club
To which I am the weakest link
In a chain forged of tempered
Steel.
Still I persist,
Gracious that I am counted worthy to
Be amongst friends who would protect me;
Die for me as
The family that I never had the chance to know.
And while they bear with me
Tonight, I feel a sudden pain of guilt,
As I lie in bed icing my wounds,
Plagued with self loathing and doubt
Feeling the aches and pains of my own mortality and
Realizing that I am less than them…
No matter how I try to blend,
I will not be them.
This costume I wear?
Merely a mask that I hide behind, praying
That they will somehow not notice my human frailty.
What I wouldn’t give to be something more.
…As a boy I wished that I could fly.
To see the world from way up high
With the wind rushing through my hair
I’ve always wanted to be something more;
Something other than what I was
Time has pass and that boy is now a man
Yet he still makes that wish
Every now and then.

J.A. Wine