3, 2, 1. 1, 2, 3... What the Heck is bothering me?!

This is bothering me so much I had to blog about it.

I normally don't do this. I normally don't whine and complain about some arbitrary first world problem that others wouldn't even consider a problem. Yes I know there are starving kids in Africa, that over in North Korea they worship their leaders and have no voice. Yes I know there are people in Syria right now fighting just to not be blown up by their own crappy government. I know there are problems more significant than this, and when I reveal what's bothering me you may laugh. I'm prepared for that outcome...

Ok, so what the heck is bothering me? This... this is not only what's bothering me, it's literally killing me... (See pic below...)

Cubicles of death. Why do we do this to ourselves?

Ok, so I work full time, pretty slick gig, low stress pretty awesome work environment even better pay. That's all good, no problem there. I'm making more money than I ever have in my entire life and my coworkers are awesome. So you may ask, what the heck is your problem? You've hit the big time, you should be living it up, relishing in your success, enjoying the fruits of all those college late nighters. I've made it...

The trouble is whenever I walk in to this place (Which shall remain nameless) I want to vomit. Not because I hate the company or the work, not because my boss is a jerk (He's not in the least, he's an awesome boss and just all around great guy). I just literally can't bring myself to work full time and enjoy it. The only way I can describe it is a feeling of a very slow and painful death sitting at my desk. I literally feel my creativity leaving me. All of my motivation going out the window, sometimes I feel like I just want to end it all. Like sitting there 8 hours a day is literally killing me. And each day I wake up it's the same overwhelming feeling of dread. Sundays are by far the worst because I know that I'll have to sit another 40 hours of my life in this manmade nightmare.

When I am vocal about this here are the typical responses:

1. You're young. You'll get used to is. (Good God, I don't want to get used to this!)

2. Everybody does it. Welcome to being an adult. (I wasn't born with enough middle fingers to respond to this one.)

3. Well, stick it out. Bide your time and move on when you're ready. (I'm pretty sure feeling suicidal  8 hours/day isn't healthy.)

4. Just be glad you have a job. (I'm very glad I have a job, it just makes me miserable)

5. Yeah I felt the same way, but I just realized that it won't be forever and I'm just looking forward to retirement. (Holy crap I have to do this for 40+ years?)

6. Do what you love. (What does that mean?!)

7. At the end of the day it's about your personal happiness (True, but this doesn't pay bills.)

8. Just go for it, pick up and move, you're only young once! (I find leaping into nothing painful and foolish.)

9. Hang in there! (Yeah, I'm trying. Thanks!)

10. Are you crazy? (Yes, maybe...)

So what is one to do? I leave that question up to you because I don't have an answer. I can feel my sanity slowly slipping away, and while this may sound very dramatic I can tell you that it's real. I feel like I'm destined for so much more than becoming a 60+ year old man in a cubicle with a size 58 waist. I just sit and think of all the things I could be doing besides sitting there, sending emails and waiting for the phone to ring. I feel like I'm just throwing away the best years of my life, when I should be out exploring, learning and changing the world with my talents, what am I doing... sitting. Something has to give. There has to be more in life, and the longer I wait to find this out the worst I feel. 3, 2, 1. 1, 2, 3. What the heck is bothering me...? 

The real world. And what bothers me is that it's like an elephant graveyard. It seems to be a place where ambitious people, once full of hopes and dreams, go to die. Worst of all, I feel it happening to me...